Friday, December 19, 2003
The Story of Google - Version 2.0 (as told by JD Schill, kindly revised by K. Fink - ;) )
The big volcano rumbled in the distance as Gro tried to hunt down the small mammal. The last of the dinosaurs had just died off as the climate of the planet was gradually cooling. Life was beginning to change on the surface of the planet. Gro vaguely realized this would likely be the end of his sexy suntan.
Suddenly, as Gro was just about to get his small mammal, his buddy, Hu, came bursting out of the bush. The mammal heard the racket and fled.
Angry, Gro turned to Hu and, in a few grunts and pointing motions, expressed his anger and distaste for what Hu had done. Hu was, of course, apologetic, but grunted to Gro that he had been all over the jungle looking for a rock of a certain shape that would be really cool to file his toenails with. The year was 1995.
So, feeling a little dejected at his chum's apparent lack of interest in his plight, Gro decided to help Hu find his rock. They went searched all over the jungle trying out rocks of different shapes and sizes. Each time they found a rock that Hu thought would work, they tried it out on their toenails, yet none of the rocks fulfilled their need.
They passed several days wandering the jungle in search of the one rock that would satisfy them. They sought the advice of Yoi, the priest of the local village. He directed them to the top of a mountain. When Gro and Hu went to the top of the mountain, they did find rocks, but mostly they just found that it was cold and not very pleasant. So, they came down from the mountain.
The two amigos then went around to some of the neighbors and asked their advice, first to Sah and then to Gro's brother Weh. Sah simply said to throw dust into the air and follow where the wind carried it. Of course, to Gro, this seemed a bit foolish because the wind never blows in the same direction, and what happens if it blows the dust right back into your face? That simply results in more pain. Weh wasn't much more help. He said that it must be in the waters and that they would have to walk down to the bottom of the lake to find it. Seems logical, Gro and Hu thought. So they tried it. However, when attempted, they discovered that the water got into their mouths and that it made them gag. Not a pleasant experience. That couldn't be right.
The cohorts then proceeded to the cave of a certain packrat caveman called Bo. In truth Bo was not his name, but due to the lack of records and the history being an amalgamation of varying grunts and gestures, nobody knew his name and so, to keep things simple, everyone called him Bo. Bo seemed to have a solution for everything. He collected a lot of stuff in his cave and hardly ever cleaned it. So they went to ask Bo. He rooted around in his rubble for a while only to produce a very used rock. That simply would not do. Hu needed a new rock because, by now, his toenails were getting very long and not terribly comfortable. The companions were happy to know that the thing that Hu was looking for actually existed. Yet they had searched everywhere and had had no success. They were getting a bit discouraged.
Feeling as they were, they galumphed to Gro's cave to see if they could think of a way to solve their problem; it was not an idea they’d had before. Upon returning to the cave of Gro, they sat and grumbled at each other, expressing their distaste for the help they had not received. As they sat Gro was overwhelmed with this feeling of something watching him. Abruptly, out of the corner of his eye, Gro saw a small multi-colored rock sitting peacefully in the dirt. He looked at it for a minute. Eventually Hu, curious about what Gro was doing, looked too. Gro perambulated over and picked it up. He brought it back to Hu and they took a gander at it for a minute or so. Neither of them had ever beheld anything like it, or held anything like it for that matter. They considered it for a while, wondering to themselves what it could possibly be. Puzzled, Gro simply put the strange thing down on the rock between them and proceeded to grunt about their dilemma. Unexpectedly, the multi-colored rock moved. It started rolling out of the cave! All by itself! Gro picked it up and forthwith felt it tugging him in a direction. Curiously, Gro and Hu decided to follow it. What did they have to lose?
The rock led the associates outside of the community of fellow cave dwellers, down through the valley to the east and across the river. The speed at which the rock went amazed the companions. Suddenly, it took them around a corner into a place where there were rocks. Rocks! Just like the one Hu had been looking for! Thousands of them! No, millions! The men were overcome with happiness. Hu picked up one of the rocks and used it on his toenails. It worked beautifully. The friends then turned to the curious multi-colored rock and vocalized about another thing that had been puzzling them from a long time. The rock led them elsewhere and they were able to solve the problem. Soon, Gro and Hu were discovering all kinds of things: plants, animals and even things that were neither plant nor animal. They started to learn about stuff. Their grunting diminished and they began to form actual words. They, of course, knew what words were because they had asked the curious multi-colored rock. After a time they developed syntax and even syntax errors, which have surprisingly little relation, but that is another tale.
After the mates had made many discoveries and had become geniuses, and having constructed the Periodic Table of the Elements, it occurred to them that they needed to define what the curious multi-colored rock was. They decided to call it “Google” and name the chemical symbol "Go" for it and place it on the Periodic Table, which was their right to do. Of course, this was a very rare element, Google; there was only one specimen. However, when the buddies deployed the element into a Linux server, immediately everyone in the entire community was able to use its amazing powers. People could know anything about anything. The grunting stopped among the villagers too (well, most of them). Utterance got out to other villages of this great discovery. They tapped into its awesome ability and soon the whole world was using the incredible influence of this extraordinary element. The element called Google.
The big volcano rumbled in the distance as Gro tried to hunt down the small mammal. The last of the dinosaurs had just died off as the climate of the planet was gradually cooling. Life was beginning to change on the surface of the planet. Gro vaguely realized this would likely be the end of his sexy suntan.
Suddenly, as Gro was just about to get his small mammal, his buddy, Hu, came bursting out of the bush. The mammal heard the racket and fled.
Angry, Gro turned to Hu and, in a few grunts and pointing motions, expressed his anger and distaste for what Hu had done. Hu was, of course, apologetic, but grunted to Gro that he had been all over the jungle looking for a rock of a certain shape that would be really cool to file his toenails with. The year was 1995.
So, feeling a little dejected at his chum's apparent lack of interest in his plight, Gro decided to help Hu find his rock. They went searched all over the jungle trying out rocks of different shapes and sizes. Each time they found a rock that Hu thought would work, they tried it out on their toenails, yet none of the rocks fulfilled their need.
They passed several days wandering the jungle in search of the one rock that would satisfy them. They sought the advice of Yoi, the priest of the local village. He directed them to the top of a mountain. When Gro and Hu went to the top of the mountain, they did find rocks, but mostly they just found that it was cold and not very pleasant. So, they came down from the mountain.
The two amigos then went around to some of the neighbors and asked their advice, first to Sah and then to Gro's brother Weh. Sah simply said to throw dust into the air and follow where the wind carried it. Of course, to Gro, this seemed a bit foolish because the wind never blows in the same direction, and what happens if it blows the dust right back into your face? That simply results in more pain. Weh wasn't much more help. He said that it must be in the waters and that they would have to walk down to the bottom of the lake to find it. Seems logical, Gro and Hu thought. So they tried it. However, when attempted, they discovered that the water got into their mouths and that it made them gag. Not a pleasant experience. That couldn't be right.
The cohorts then proceeded to the cave of a certain packrat caveman called Bo. In truth Bo was not his name, but due to the lack of records and the history being an amalgamation of varying grunts and gestures, nobody knew his name and so, to keep things simple, everyone called him Bo. Bo seemed to have a solution for everything. He collected a lot of stuff in his cave and hardly ever cleaned it. So they went to ask Bo. He rooted around in his rubble for a while only to produce a very used rock. That simply would not do. Hu needed a new rock because, by now, his toenails were getting very long and not terribly comfortable. The companions were happy to know that the thing that Hu was looking for actually existed. Yet they had searched everywhere and had had no success. They were getting a bit discouraged.
Feeling as they were, they galumphed to Gro's cave to see if they could think of a way to solve their problem; it was not an idea they’d had before. Upon returning to the cave of Gro, they sat and grumbled at each other, expressing their distaste for the help they had not received. As they sat Gro was overwhelmed with this feeling of something watching him. Abruptly, out of the corner of his eye, Gro saw a small multi-colored rock sitting peacefully in the dirt. He looked at it for a minute. Eventually Hu, curious about what Gro was doing, looked too. Gro perambulated over and picked it up. He brought it back to Hu and they took a gander at it for a minute or so. Neither of them had ever beheld anything like it, or held anything like it for that matter. They considered it for a while, wondering to themselves what it could possibly be. Puzzled, Gro simply put the strange thing down on the rock between them and proceeded to grunt about their dilemma. Unexpectedly, the multi-colored rock moved. It started rolling out of the cave! All by itself! Gro picked it up and forthwith felt it tugging him in a direction. Curiously, Gro and Hu decided to follow it. What did they have to lose?
The rock led the associates outside of the community of fellow cave dwellers, down through the valley to the east and across the river. The speed at which the rock went amazed the companions. Suddenly, it took them around a corner into a place where there were rocks. Rocks! Just like the one Hu had been looking for! Thousands of them! No, millions! The men were overcome with happiness. Hu picked up one of the rocks and used it on his toenails. It worked beautifully. The friends then turned to the curious multi-colored rock and vocalized about another thing that had been puzzling them from a long time. The rock led them elsewhere and they were able to solve the problem. Soon, Gro and Hu were discovering all kinds of things: plants, animals and even things that were neither plant nor animal. They started to learn about stuff. Their grunting diminished and they began to form actual words. They, of course, knew what words were because they had asked the curious multi-colored rock. After a time they developed syntax and even syntax errors, which have surprisingly little relation, but that is another tale.
After the mates had made many discoveries and had become geniuses, and having constructed the Periodic Table of the Elements, it occurred to them that they needed to define what the curious multi-colored rock was. They decided to call it “Google” and name the chemical symbol "Go" for it and place it on the Periodic Table, which was their right to do. Of course, this was a very rare element, Google; there was only one specimen. However, when the buddies deployed the element into a Linux server, immediately everyone in the entire community was able to use its amazing powers. People could know anything about anything. The grunting stopped among the villagers too (well, most of them). Utterance got out to other villages of this great discovery. They tapped into its awesome ability and soon the whole world was using the incredible influence of this extraordinary element. The element called Google.
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