Thursday, January 24, 2008
Automotive "Excess"-ories
I think that personal expression with your car is a very noble thing to do. I mean, besides yourself, what best represents you to other people? Generally, it's the car you drive, and how you drive it speaks volumes about your particular styles. (Of course, I'm speaking here about people who actually pay attention to that stuff, like car guys.) So, what I'm trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with car customization, if done tastefully.
Untasteful car customization has lately become a bit of a hot-button issue with me because of the large number of very poorly done cars in Ogden. I see these otherwise nice vehicles running up and down the streets wearing such hideous accessories as grossly-oversized wheels, fart can mufflers and idiotic decals. Yeah, like the NOS decals make your car go faster.
I have seen a couple of beautiful examples of classic American automotive design riding on stupid 30+ inch rims and rubber band tires. To fit those huge rims, they have to put a lift kit on the car, thereby ruining the very essence of what made that car nice. Fart cans are no better. Anyone who knows anything about automobiles knows that when you slap a high-flow, high-noise muffler on a 75hp four-banger, you don't get much better performance. Essentially, you scream to everyone that you are still running a small engine, and it's just annoying.
Decals and badging are probably the subtlest and the worst offenses. I absolutely have no love for people who put SS stickers on their Fords and Toyotas. For that fact, I have no love for people who slap SS stickers on their Chevrolets when everyone can see that, in fact, the car is not an SS model.
Probably the most heinous example of this decal debauchery is the fake ventiports consumers can put on the side of their automobiles. A little history lesson here, if you please. Ventiports, characteristic holes in the fenders, first featured on Buicks as a sort of status symbol. If a person bought a Buick and it had only three ventiports on the side, this meant that they purchased one of the economy models, with a six-cylinder engine. If the car had four ventiports, this meant that the owner spent the big bucks and got the up-model with a V-8. Ventiports were never used that much by other manufacturers, and one could generally identify a Buick quickly by spotting the ventiports on the fender. Though not functional as exhaust ports, they did provide a nice stylistic signature to the old Buicks. Recently, they have been seen on newer Buick models as a stylistic nod to the great Buicks of the past.
The thing I have to stress here is that ventiports are a Buick thing. Chryslers never had them. Chevy pickups never had them. Fords, Toyotas, Nissans, Mitsubishis, and Peugeots never had them. So, folks, when I see some lame-ass Toyota pickup with stick-on ventiports on the side, I know for a certainty that the owner of the car has no idea whatsoever about automobile design. And to top it off, it is a proverbial slap in the face to me because I do know about automobile design.
Untasteful car customization has lately become a bit of a hot-button issue with me because of the large number of very poorly done cars in Ogden. I see these otherwise nice vehicles running up and down the streets wearing such hideous accessories as grossly-oversized wheels, fart can mufflers and idiotic decals. Yeah, like the NOS decals make your car go faster.
I have seen a couple of beautiful examples of classic American automotive design riding on stupid 30+ inch rims and rubber band tires. To fit those huge rims, they have to put a lift kit on the car, thereby ruining the very essence of what made that car nice. Fart cans are no better. Anyone who knows anything about automobiles knows that when you slap a high-flow, high-noise muffler on a 75hp four-banger, you don't get much better performance. Essentially, you scream to everyone that you are still running a small engine, and it's just annoying.
Decals and badging are probably the subtlest and the worst offenses. I absolutely have no love for people who put SS stickers on their Fords and Toyotas. For that fact, I have no love for people who slap SS stickers on their Chevrolets when everyone can see that, in fact, the car is not an SS model.
Probably the most heinous example of this decal debauchery is the fake ventiports consumers can put on the side of their automobiles. A little history lesson here, if you please. Ventiports, characteristic holes in the fenders, first featured on Buicks as a sort of status symbol. If a person bought a Buick and it had only three ventiports on the side, this meant that they purchased one of the economy models, with a six-cylinder engine. If the car had four ventiports, this meant that the owner spent the big bucks and got the up-model with a V-8. Ventiports were never used that much by other manufacturers, and one could generally identify a Buick quickly by spotting the ventiports on the fender. Though not functional as exhaust ports, they did provide a nice stylistic signature to the old Buicks. Recently, they have been seen on newer Buick models as a stylistic nod to the great Buicks of the past.
The thing I have to stress here is that ventiports are a Buick thing. Chryslers never had them. Chevy pickups never had them. Fords, Toyotas, Nissans, Mitsubishis, and Peugeots never had them. So, folks, when I see some lame-ass Toyota pickup with stick-on ventiports on the side, I know for a certainty that the owner of the car has no idea whatsoever about automobile design. And to top it off, it is a proverbial slap in the face to me because I do know about automobile design.
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